Newsweek Purchased by Bondage Magazine

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Struggling Newsweek has been bought by adult publication Bondage Weekly for an undisclosed sum. BW publisher Sid Shacklesworth intends taking the 70-year old news magazine in a new direction. "From now on, we'll be doing stories on people who are tied up and liking it. Maybe we'll keep some of the fruity opinion stuff for branding or something." Newsweek editor Jon Meacham blamed the magazine's demise on an accelerated newscycle, a failed redesign and a sea of red ink. "You can't lose money forever. But we sure tried." Changing the publication's name to Newsstrap, Shacklesworth asked Meacham to appear on the first cover trussed up in leather belts with a rubber ball in his mouth. "We thought it might be a fun way to transition." Meacham declined, deeply involved in his new job as editor of Farm Journal. "I wanted to put Obama on the cover, but the publisher said I had to use soy beans. That's journalism for you."