NEW YORK CITY, NY - As Yuletide cheer rings out across the Big Apple, mummies at the Museum of Natural History prepare for another lonely holiday season. "Christmas sucks," said 'Seth,' a mummy who preferred not to give his real name. "I'm single, no family, dead for over 5,000 years. I'll probably shamble around here and strangle a security guard." Many mummies feel alienated because their unique observances are ignored by a wider society. "This lack of religious inclusion clearly causes alienation and resentment," said University of Minnesota psychologist Kane Gershmeir. "Where's the public displays honoring Horus or Osiris? Where can young children go for a ceremonial body wrap by an adult dressed as Anubis, god of embalming and the dead? Is it any wonder mummies strangle people and blow sand out their mouths?" 'Seth' could care less about ancient Egyptian gods. "I'm beyond all that. Maybe I'll break into a house, find a pretty girl, wait for her to faint, than carry her around. Yeah. That's what I'll do. Or sit in a movie with all the Jews. Whatever."
(Photo: practicalityofobjectiv...)
CENTRAL AFRICA - A researcher studying elephants has identified several key sounds that, when coupled with behaviour, translate into words. Said Ball State scientist Emily Dunklehoffer, "So far, I've identified three sentences clearly. They are:
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