Study Confirms Chunky Men Marry Chunky Women, Not Pretty Baboons

BOSTON, MA - A new Harvard study revealed that chunky men generally marry chunky woman and not attractive baboons as had been commonly believed. The decade-long study defined "chunky men" as men under 5'3" and stocky, tending toward fat. "Chunky women" included woman under 4'11" and more hefty than fat. "Attractive baboons" were any ape that a lonely man could go for after 15 or 16 drinks. "This clears up a lot of misunderstanding, "said sociology professor Alfred Monteith. "I just gave an interview to a chunky men's website and they were delighted that finally scientific confirmation was available. Prior to our study, everyone believed chunky men automatically married baboons." Chunky women were equally glad as reflected in an editorial in their publication, Low to the Ground Quarterly. "The baboons made no rational comment," added Monteith. "They howl. They fling their feces. They return to their ape jabbering, which, I feel, bodes ill for humanity. But that's another study." (Photo:gettyimages.com)