Army Helicopters Renamed After Radicals

FORT CAMPBELL, KY - Times they are 'changing at the home of the 101st Air Assault Division as the army removes all Indian designations from helicopters and replaces them with the names of prominent American radicals. "Native American people are sick and tired of being singled out for war-like qualities," said Assistant Secretary for Indian Affairs Larry Echohawk. "What of our chanting and casinos? And the worst offender is the U.S. Army and their insensitive Indian-themed helicopters."

Spurred by Native American criticism of 'Geronimo' as code name for Osama Bin Laden, President Obama informed the Secretary of Defense that Indian names had to go. After an exhaustive study, the President decided the aircraft should be designated after radicals he knew and admired. "Make no mistake," said the President. "Nothing frightens our foes or cheers our friends more than knowing that heavily-armed aircraft are overhead named after our most concerned, outspoken citizens."

Preliminary reports indicate that Blackhawk helicopters will now be called the MH-6M Bill Ayers. The Kiowa Warrior Scout Helicopter has been redesignated the Bell OH-58 Bernardine Dohrn, while the Apache Attack Helicopter will now carry the title AH-64A/D Saul Alinsky.

In addition, the Alinsky Attack Helicopter is undergoing a fundamental redesign. The new Alinksy will be programmed to label other American helicopters "racist haters" and  encourage unwary aircraft to accept that label and attack them. According to the Department of Defense, future versions of all three choppers will include weapons software that fires automatically at corporations as well as individuals earning over $250,000 a year—excluding sports figures, Hollywood stars, and the Kennedys. 
(Images: Warplanes Online Community and friendburst.com)