Weiner Seeks OJ Help in Locating Phantom Hacker

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Following testy remarks to reporters, Congressman Anthony Weiner, D-N.Y., announced he is seeking help from O.J. Simpson in locating the unknown person who hacked his Twitter account and sent a photo—allegedly of Weiner's junk—to a 21-year-old co-ed. Said Weiner, "I'm asking for assistance from the one man who has shown the determination to clear his name no matter the cost or time."

Simpson is currently serving 33 years in Nevada's Lovelock Correctional Center. Nevertheless, Weiner stated O.J.'s dogged 13-year pursuit of his wife Nicole's killer inspired him to seek counsel from a man who knew what it felt like to have evidence stacked up against him. "It didn't matter," snapped Weiner, "O.J. battled to find the real perpetrator and clear his name right up to the moment they convicted him for robbery and kidnapping."

Weiner layed out his reasoning. "Someone sent a picture of a man's pup tent to this chick I used to follow on Twitter named Gennette Cordova and whom I'm not going to talk about. Probably some creep like Andrew Breitbart. Well, I want this phantom hacker nailed. I want the person who jepordized my marriage nailed. I want the person trying to ruin my political career nailed."

Weiner pointed out that, like any crime victim, he immediately refrained from filing a police report and lawyered up. "This is just common sense. Now I want my good name back and the best way is to privately track down the real perpetrator just like O.J. did for all those years. I'm hoping he has some great tips."
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