President Appoints Blue Ribbon Panel to Run Presidency

TOLEDO, OH - Citing the need to devote himself to reelection, President Obama has announced the formation of a blue ribbon panel to run the remainder of his presidency. The President made the surprise announcement while touring a Chrysler factory, stating "there are those who wish me to stay bottled up in Washington until after 2012. To them I say, 'I will run again. I will sign thick complicated laws again. I will be president until 2016 again.'" While details on the panel's composition remain vague, there are indications the board will include former SEIU union boss Andy Stern, radical priest Fr. Michael Pflegler, former White House environmental advisor Van Jones, and Miley Cyrus. The board will have all presidential powers including nuclear codes and pardons. The POTUS Panel will be expected to handle rising unemployment, inflation, the debt ceiling, several wars, and the 2012 March Madness tournament brackets. (Image: decorativepackingingblog.com)