Brown Appoints Linda Ronstadt Secretary of Song

SACRAMENTO, CA - Governor Jerry Brown unleashed his very own blast-from-the-past, appointing former flame Linda Ronstadt to fill a newly created cabinet position. As California's Secretary of Song, Ronstadt, the former Queen of Rock, is now responsible for encouraging the use of singing in the workplace, the home, and at the opening of wind farms. "I will lead California to a new green prosperity," said the governor at a recent press conference, "while, at the same time, Linda will lead the state to a higher consciousness through pro-active melody." Brown defined 'pro-active melody' as "happy songs that make you glad to be paying some of the highest taxes in the nation."

Current state song, "I Love You, California," was written in 1913 by Francis Bernard Silverwood and became state song by law in 1988. Sources close to Brown feel the tune is corny and outdated with verses such as:

I love your old gray Missions - love your vineyards stretching far.
I love you, California, with your Golden Gate ajar.
I love your purple sun-sets, love your skies of azure blue.
I love you, California; I just can't help loving you.

One of the new Secretary's first tasks is hauling the state anthem into the 21st century. According to a Ronstadt spokesmen, the Grammy Award-winning singer is already hard at work in the studio, laying in a new track that jazzes up the old melody while modernizing the lyrics. The Secretary released a sample passage:

I love your old gray Missions - built by meddling monks.
I love the streets of 'Frisco, overrun with hostile drunks.
I love to watch small business, regulated and annoyed.
I love you, California; home to unions and unemployed.

However all is not harmony between the Governor and his new songstress. Insiders report Ronstadt resented not being Jerry Brown's first choice. Apparently, Brown wanted Lady Ga Ga as Secretary of Song. However the controversial artist was eliminated after meeting with the governor and responding to all his questions by dry humping a mop handle. (Images: pbs.org)