State Department Uses Puppets to Condemn Assad

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a show of "smart power," the State Department put on a performance in which puppets loudly called for the resignation of Syrian President Bashar Assad. A troupe from the federally-funded Georgetown Marionette Theatre performed the 45-minute piece at a high level meeting attended by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta.  In recent months Syrian forces have killed almost 2,000 protesters during Assad's brutal crackdown on dissent. International outrage over the deaths was present in the play as several puppets—representing human rights—struck a puppet of Assad over the head with wooden salad spoons. In addition, they called him 'mean' and demanded he step down at once. 'Assad' eventually apologized for his actions and agreed to retire. The other puppets then hugged 'Assad' and gave him a nectarine.

"You see, we [the United States] didn't come right out and ask for Assad to resign," said State Department spokesman Beth Hyer. "The puppets did. Meanwhile America has the diplomatic breathing space to wait for someone else to take decisive action like Turkey." Hyer hoped Assad would hear of the performance and read between the lines. "He has a choice: the salad spoon or the nectarine. Or another puppet show. Or something like we're doing in Libya. We like to keep our smart options open."
Image: Marionettes shop