Thursday, May 5, 2011

Al Qaeda Pilgrims Perish Seeking Bin Laden Resting Place

ARABIAN SEA - Nineteen Al Qaeda pilgrims are believed drowned after leaping from a cargo vessel in an attempt to worship at the burial spot of executed terrorist Osama Bin Laden. Deposited into the ocean by U.S. Special Operations Forces following a brief ceremony, Bin Laden's remains are believed occupying an undisclosed location on the bottom of the Arabian Sea.

Captain Hobart Langke of the cargo ship S.S. Flan reported today that he took aboard nineteen Al Qaeda fighters in the port of Aden who wished passage to Bin Laden's "shrine." According to the fighters, the undisclosed burial spot had been declared a holy shrine by the Grand Mullah of South Mecca, a less holy shrine in its own right built to handle overflow crowds from the original, much holier, Mecca.

"I was very frightened," said Langke. "They had weapons and bombs and stringy beards with crackers and insects stuck in the hair. To them I say, 'The U.S. dumped the body in the sea. But where I don't know? And so they say, 'Hatred of Jew America and the Holy Koran will guide us.' And I say, 'Very well. That's 35 Euro a head—in advance.'"

After steaming several hours out of port, Langke stated the Al Qaeda pilgrims ordered him to stop all engines and drop anchor. Langke explains, "We're in the middle of nowhere and suddenly they all scream and burn an American flag and leaped overboard. It was like a pool party with a very unhappy ending. Later, I noticed several towels and ashtrays missing from the passenger lounge. I think they took them along when they jumped into the sea. Who benefits from that?"

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