Sunday, May 1, 2011

Superman Kills Homeowner For Incandescent Bulb Use

NEW YORK CITY, NY - In a dark green twist for the Man of Steel, Superman will defend the Earth by killing a man using incandescent bulbs. According to insiders at D.C. Comics, who leaked the story and artwork, an upcoming Action Comics features Superman responding to a call for help from California Governor Jerry Brown and patrolling the Golden State, using x-ray vision to peer through roofs and locate people using banned incandescent bulbs.

While crossing high above Thousand Oaks, Superman spots a home burning incandescents. Furious, he lands and lectures the homeowner named Hicks and his family on the need to comply with California's green laws and use Compact Fluorescent Lights to  forestall environmental apocalypse. There is an argument and Hicks tells the Man of Steel to mind his own business.

Bellowing 'It's my planet too!' Superman punches Hicks in the chest, killing him instantly and sending the man's heart sailing out his back and across the countryside, dripping blood before it lands in Nevada. (This is a marvelously inked sequence of panels and will probably win an Eisner Award.)

Superman then lectures the grief-stricken family on how failure to put planet over self always leads to tragedy. When Mrs. Hicks calls Superman 'a monster,' the costumed superhero sadly shakes his head. 'No, Ma'am. Green scofflaws like you are the real evil. Oh, and let's have those incandescents out by tomorrow, shall we?"

Said the anonymous D.C. source, "We have a stable of caring, concerned superheroes who, frankly, could be doing a lot more for environmental safety and a greener world. We hope Superman's actions are the first step in a dialogue that will eventually remove the stigma of homicide from acts of planetary self-defense."

Other D.C. characters will be joining Superman in upping the environmental ante. The source stated he'd seen an outline for a graphic novel in which Flash and Aquaman catch a man mixing plastic recycling with green waste and beat him to death with pipes.

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