Saturday, May 7, 2011

Bin Laden Watched Reruns of 'Moesha'

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Government officials today released several videos captured from Osama Bin Laden, including a tape of the late terrorist leader watching DVDs of cancelled UPN series, Moesha. According to a translation provided with the tape, Bin Laden asks someone offscreen why Moesha, played by Brandy Norwood, doesn't have numerous children as she appears to be 'fertile as a river delta.' The series which ran from 1996 to 2001 was apparently a Bin Laden favorite along with MSNBC prime time newscasts. In an interesting twist, Bin Laden believed MSNBC was actually an Al Jazeera news parody program like the Daily Show where actors mocked and criticised former President Bush for several hours a night.

But the strangest tape showed Bin Laden arguing with a camera operator as they attempted to film an infomercial for something called The Beard Club for Men. Bin Laden holds up an unlabeled plastic tube filled with liquid. The camera operator complains that without a label the liquid—thought to be a beard thickener—won't 'read.' Bin Laden argues they need the close up for a split screen image they'll build in post showing both the liquid and Osama sporting a rich luxuriant beard fluttering like a flag. Bin Laden explains he'll then voice over, 'I'm not just the Beard Club president, but I'm also a client by the will of Allah, may the prophet be praised. Now shoot it the way I want or you're scorpion meat.'

Other tapes consist of short vignettes including one of Bin Laden playing a joke on a guard by putting Nair in the man's turban.

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