Sunday, December 11, 2011

New Border Crossing Uses Honor System

CPB pilot kiosk awaiting travelers.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a move designed to increase security, Customs and Border Patrol announced the opening of a new unmanned border crossing operating on the honor system. "We have a pilot kiosk set up with documents in English and Spanish as well as a selection of pens," said CBP spokesman Bill Weber. "We're asking Mexican nationals wishing to enter the U.S. to honestly state whether or not they should be allowed into this country. They'll also be asked to declare any narcotics or other form of contraband.  If in possession of prohibited items, they'll be instructed to stop filling out the form, set down the pen and return home until they can meet proper entry criteria."

When asked to explain how the honor system improved security, Weber ignored the question and produced a map,  pointing to a remote region of Texas and stating, "The kiosk will feature Chinese hand-fans to help alleviate extreme heat and a flashlight for low-light periods. That way it'll operate 24/7 without electrical power and help keep the border green."

Asked to comment on congressional criticism of the kiosk plan as 'deeply flawed,' Weber grew irate. "'Flawed' huh? Well that's what they said about Justice, ATF and Operation Fast and Furious. I think the results speak for themselves: thousands of guns successfully transferred to drug cartels at a cost of only two hundred dead Mexicans and hardly any dead Americans. We believe the CPB kiosk system will work out just as well if not better. And if it doesn't then it'll either be an honest mistake, completely redacted from all official correspondence or somebody's fault but neither mine nor that of anyone high up in the CPB."


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