Monday, December 5, 2011

Monkey Island Now Called 'Nasty Ass Monkey Island'

A monkey pauses from defecating to swat a zoo keeper.
 TAMPA, FL - After a recent escape by twenty-nine monkeys, the Fort Hardy Wildlife Preserve announced they have changed the name of their Monkey Island to reflect a more mature appreciation of the animal's characteristics. "We're calling it 'Nasty Ass Monkey Island' so people know what they're dealing with," said zoo president Curtis Naylor. "The new signs are up already." Naylor's attitude stems from incidents subsequent to the animals' escape. According to local news sources, the beasts swam across a moat, then ran wild through the grounds, defecating on cars, flinging feces at zoo patrons, and smearing feces across the ground as if finger-painting, picking out bits of seed then eating it.

In addition, monkeys raided the Giraffe Grill and stole pizza and cups of French Fries which they proceeded to eat, defecate and re-eat. Another monkey was observed having sex with a coin-operated telescope.

"This place was hell on greased wheels," recalled Naylor. "It was like a fire in a dormitory for the blind. We finally got the monkeys back across the moat but it was pure chaos with a chaser of disgust." Naylor originally wanted to rename the enclosure 'Nasty Ass, Crap-Eating Monkey Island' but was denied by the zoo's board of directors.

"Buncha do-nothing weaklings," snorted Naylor, referring to the directors. "I got push-back on the new name but put it up anyway." Naylor was unable to designate the species contained on the island. "Beats me. Is there a special crap-eating monkey? If so, then we got it here in spades."
Image: A. L.O. P.

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