Crips and Bloods Hired to Slaughter Horses

MESQUITE, NV - In what the White House is calling a 'two-fer,'  President Obama has signed horse-slaughtering back into law and hired LA gang bangers to terminate the animals. The measure hopes to take advantage of urban life-skills by paying the youths federal wages to shoot horses from a car. White House spokesman Jay Carney was excited. "Horses will be spaced out in front of the slaughter house. Then gang bangers will drive past and 'cap their asses' as they like to say, with various illegally obtained ordinance."

Crips will shoot on Mondays and Wednesdays while Bloods will have the honors on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Carney states it's necessary to keep the groups separate so that "only horses are shot." After termination, the gang bangers will be allowed to tag the horses with spray paint. "Since they're being made into dog food, it's not really a health violation," explained Carney. Eventually, the White House hopes  this program will be the first step in a process of weaning gang members from violence. "Over time, we'll have them shoot pigs, then cats, then koi. Eventually, they'll stop wanting to kill living things, pull up their pants and listen to music with less prominent bass lines."
Image: Drive-by Shooting