President Apologizes to Muslims for 'Act of Valor'

Doctrine of 'aggressive apology' in action.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Continuing a round of diplomatic amends, President Obama apologized to Muslims world-wide for the recent box-office smash, Act of Valor. The film starred actual Navy Seals and depicted them fighting terrorists, many of whom were Muslims seeking to commit jihad on American soil. Said President Obama, "Our strength is in our aggressive apologies, certain they will sooth the rage of peaceful Muslims everywhere." Despite the President claiming his apologies had 'calmed down' recent Afghan aggression, two more American serviceman were killed by Muslims and four injured. Said White House spokesman Jay Carney, "Just because there were additional deaths doesn't mean the Obama doctrine of rapid atonement isn't successful. What works 100 percent? Come on, tell me." Carney echoed the President's sentiments, blaming Act of Valor as contributing to a 'climate of hate' by failing to make the film's villains white oil executives, Tea Party members or businessmen with American flag and cross lapel pins. "Muslims were hurt and confused. They've come to expect a certain standard from our films. We're sorry on behalf of Hollywood. Somehow this one slipped through."
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