|Wily Unabomber again one step ahead of Feds.|
FLORENCE, CO - Embarrassed officials at U.S. Penitentiary ADX have refused comment on how Unabomber Ted Kaczynski has managed to connect with the Internet and begin Tweeting. "We've tossed his cell every day for two weeks now and can't find anything," said one corrections officer under condition of anonymity. "We believe he may be using some form of energized wood." Highly intelligent, Kaczynski's presence on the Web has further baffled officials due to the Unabomber's murderous anti-technological stance. Kaczynski is currently housed in a section of the supermax prison containing Shoe Bomber Richard Reid, Olympic Park Bomber Eric Rudolph, and 1993 World Trade Center bombing mastermind Ramzi Yousef. Known as 'Bomber's Row,' the prisoners are locked in their cells 23 hours a day with heavy supervision. "I don't know why or how he does it, but the guy's [Kaczynski] a major smartie," said another anonymous corrections officer. "He finished my kid's calculus homework in about four seconds. In exchange, I smuggled him in a Sierra Club calender. Don't tell anyone."
Here are several Kaczynski Tweets found on the Web.
ted_kboom Proud to say I have six-pack abs.
ted_kboom@nomorelights Good point re. no more electricity could mean return to whale oil; sad.
ted_kboom Who saw The Lorax? Tell me all bout it.
ted_kboom@deepecodude Building a bike path is another form of industrial-technological rape. Send your city council a nice package.
ted_kboom I once wrote "you can't eat your cake and have it too." But now I think you can.
Images: Twitter and The Smoking Gun