Sunday, May 30, 2010
WASHINGTON, D.C.- Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke has vowed to end the Deepwater oil leak by stuffing trillions of wadded-up dollars inside the pipe. According to Fed sources, Bernanke has created huge 'cash balls' for the purpose of plugging up the oil. "Fed printing presses haven't stopped running since the Stimulus Plan," said a source close to the chairman. "We can't spend money fast enough and we're running out of storage space. Maybe the cash will do some good at the bottom of the Gulf." Bernanke plans on using visualization to improve his aim, pretending the Deepwater opening belongs to Goldman-Sachs, thus lending the operation an air of realism.