Jewish Warlock Confirms Gitmo Ghost Cat

GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA - A Jewish warlock interrogator admitted creating an invisible cat that sexually assaulted a prisoner.  2008 detainee Walid Muhammad Hajj told Al Jazeera that an unseen cat attempted to penetrate his anus while he slept. Hajj stated the tactic was typical of those used by Jewish warlocks to break him and other Muslims. Investigating the allegation, Justice Department lawyers deposed a Jewish warlock who initially denied everything. Threatened with a grand jury, the warlock finally admitted to creating a gray tabby named 'Moshe' for use in softening up hard-case prisoners. Said the warlock, "So fine, magic is more of an art than a science. Moshe wasn't supposed to feckle Hajj; just cough up fur balls all night." Amnesty International's Ricardo Conklin was furious. "When will the United States realize that the immoral use of Jewish magicians can only blow-back on itself. Guantanamo will serve as a recruiting center for Islamic terrorists as long as there are brutal assaults on a man's rump by a ghost cat." Justice Department lawyers kept mum on what action—if any—would be taken against the warlock. An anonymous source stated, "Magic of any kind will be on hold until we've reviewed procedures. Pity. Those Jew warlocks could turn an oven mitten into a blueberry bagel that tasted great with cream cheese and French Roast. They couldn't create coffee or the cream cheese, but they ordered in." (Image: FederalJack.com)