Exotic After-Christmas Bargains

Not everything sells. Ask the man who invented the Joy Behar sex doll. But in this post-Christmas period, let overstock be your friend. Get out and take advantage of certain rare and unusual gifts that didn't beckon to the general public but will appeal to the discriminating INI reader.

SNACKS FROM THE RACE TRACK
Popcorn, chips and Slim Jims all mixed together and cured with cigarette smoke; wrapped in an authentic racing form. Perfect for the family member who has read too much Charles Bukowski.

BABOON CRIB
Identical to a infant crib except the bars are made of tungsten steel and there's a cage top also made of steel. Inside features a water bowl and flea-ridden carpet. Good for exceptionally wild kids or a real baboon if you have one. Comes with a banana mobile.

ROBOT HEAD WITH EYE RAYS
Thank you again, Japan. This dashing conversation piece is an exact likeness of Imperial Army Col. Kiyonao Ichiki who shot himself after losing a battle to U.S. Marines on Guadalcanal. The head emanates a soft glow that makes it an excellent night light. However it periodically fires low-intensity lasers from its eyes that can ignite furniture if left on too long. There is a way to regulate the lasers but the instructions are in Japanese.

BACKYARD HOMELESS SHELTER
Inflatable shelter is similar to birthday bouncers but with folding cots, extra large coffee urn, AA literature, and sand-filled coffee cans for butts. Isn't equipped with homeless but, as the man said, if you build it they will come.