Sunday, December 19, 2010

Military Must Learn Show Tunes, Line Dancing

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Following yesterday's senate vote allowing gay military to serve openly, the Defense Department has ordered all active duty personal to learn show tune lyrics. Said Defense Department spokesperson Neil Feebner, "We intend to get out ahead of the ruling and be ready when DADT is officially repealed in two months." Denying rumors that "Fan Dance Cha-Cha" will replace Taps, Feebner stated troops will begin with songs such as "What About Love?" from The Color Purple and eventually train up to a Judy Garland medley that includes "This Could Be the Start of Something Big" and "Steppin' Out With My Baby." Senior officers must additionally know three Andrew Lloyd Webber tunes and one elective number from either Les Miserables or Annie.
Furthermore, a voluntary program of line dancing will be offered for service members, though proficiency will not be mandatory until 2012. "Anyone interested in promotion after next year better start learning to grapevine to 'Achy Breaky Heart,' said Feebner. "And that'll be an order." (Image: Medestino)


Tom Ruegger said...

I am glad to see that Intertesting News Items has returned to reporting the hard stuff.

The world is a better place for it.

Ling Carter said...

Thank you.

There's too much interesting news out there.

Plus all the made-up stuff.

Retriever said...

Finally. Some Hard Hitting New Reporting...How I've missed you! Welcome back! :) )

Ling Carter said...

Hi Retriever,

Back from assignment at an Indian casino.

Let the spoofing begin!

Tom Ruegger said...

I hear that due to safety concerns military brass have asked soldiers to steer clear of show tunes from the new Spiderman musical.

Ling Carter said...

Very true. However tights and spandex are now mandatory.