PITTSBURGH, PA - Awed by the output of the most productive lame-duck Congress since the 1960s, the nation's poets have responded with a variety of works praising the federal legislature. "People think we mostly write about love and trees, " said Audrey Corrigan, a local poet who sidelines as a barista. "But great deeds call forth great verse. In fact, I think those very words are from a poem, but I can't remember." While serving lattes, Corrigan recited several lines from a work-in-progress praising Harry Reid:
Yes, We Can
Other poets felt called to celebrate the leadership of former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Garner Zane, a high school English teacher, recently penned an ode while on suspension for damaging school property with a trench shovel. In part, Zane's work read:
Funny wide face,
Lips like ruby fish,
Old and Crazy,
But You Passed the Food Safety Modernization Act,
Now pass the gravy!
Or I'll hit you with a trench shovel!
Ha, ha, just kidding.
In a way.
Not all poems hailed legislative achievements. Poet Jules Tarponski wept bitterly when he heard Alan Grayson had lost his reelection bid in Florida. A Service Employees International Union official in Orlando, Tarponski found time to write about the former congressman in-between greyhound races:
Big and loud,
Like a thunder cloud,
How much cash,
Did we pump up your ass?
And you still lost,
Like every stinking dog I've bet on today.