Daley Attempted to Bribe Winter Storm

CHICAGO, IL. - Chicago Mayor Richard Daley tried to head off a massive winter storm by offering the weather system a six-figure position with the Chicago Transit Authority. "This was a sweet job," said one CTA insider. "All the weather had to do was show up once or twice a week, sign a few things and cash the check." According to sources, the weather was to have been appointed a diversity supervisor earning a yearly salary of $237,890, 17 weeks of vacation, 52 sick days for the first year, increasing to 79 in years two and three, and a pension based on the first year's salary. In return, the weather was supposed to dump most of its snow on Gary, Indiana and freeze southern Michigan. At the same time, the Windy City was to receive light precipitation and mild winds. However negotiations broke down over having the winter storm be responsible for precinct walking and turning out the vote in the city's Jefferson Park area. "We've never tried doing business with a weather system," said the insider. "It's been a learning experience for all parties." (Image: cinnabitch.blogspot.com)