Friday, February 18, 2011
MADISON, WI - Fleeing Wisconsin Democratic legislators are to be fitted with radio collars in order to monitor cross-boarder migrations. After signing an emergency executive order, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker has sought the cooperation of the Illinois Department of Fish and Game in tagging the Senate Democrats who are believed to be wandering the prairies near Rockford. "If we get the call we'll treat 'em like any other creature," said wildlife veterinarian Barnes Willet. Willet had already worked out a plan of capture. "We'd bait by placing some kind of tax and regulatory regulation in a cage. Once they [Democrats] were snared we'd weigh and measure 'em, then fit each with a flexible radio collar." The collars emit a steady beep on a distinctive radio frequency as well as recording coordinates from a GPS satellite. In addition, the collars contain a switch that activates a double beep should the Democrat be inactive for eight to 12 hours. "That what's called a 'motel signal,'" said Willet. "It means the Democrat has gone to ground in a Best Western." Most expert agree that having Democratic legislators flee a state is a healthy sign, provided they aren't needed for a vote. Willet concurs. "It's best to let 'em roam wild. Before long, they'll have crows shrieking 'racism' and all the chipmunks unionized. Otherwise they nest in state capitols and its hell to dig 'em out."