WASHINGTON, D.C. - In the wake of Dr. Sanjay Gupta's withdrawn nomination, the Obama administration scored a coup when rotund film director Michael Moore agreed to head up the Department of Health and Human Services. "He made that film Sicko and it was all true," said White House spokesman Robert Gibbs. "Plus he promised to get in shape. I think he's taken up bowling." A source close to Moore felt the director would be perfect for the job: "Mike knows the American people and he knows how much they love to wait for services such as MRI's and liver transplants. Let's hope he can take our health system and make it half as good as the one they have in Cuba. Then we'll really have something."