Yard Leopard Provides Pet Owners Peace of Mind

INI ADVERTORIAL (Once again, INI has provided space to a responsible advertiser. These are different advertisers from the guys selling old mummies. We had some complaints about them. Please consider buying this important, different product. Our share of every purchase is minimal.)

How many times have you seen a telephone pole plastered with pictures of missing dogs and cats? In your heart, you know the only way they’ll ever be found is after passing through a coyote's tummy. Protected by strict laws in many states, these busy-tailed bandits have made themselves at home in our neighborhoods, chowing down on our four-legged friends. Well, if you love your little tabby or playful pooch, then fight pack by purchasing a fully-grown African leopard.

Smallest of the big cats, leopards have been hunting for thousands of years. They are fast, strong, and tree-climbing fools even with a mouthful of coyote. Let your leopard establish itself in the back yard and coyotes will soon be howling a different tune. Available in spotted or black colors; may be necessary to keep pets, children, and slow adults inside until after the leopard has sated itself. These predators are a steal at $3,998. Optional long iron gloves recommended for petting the animals.

Send a cashier's check for the above amount to: Yard Leopard c/o Niles Storage Center, Unit #201, 2447 Flaming Bum Road, Old Squaw, New Mexico, 87122. We are not the same as the guys selling mummies. Or if we are, we stopped once the leopard shipment arrived. In any case, order now and we'll throw in a free pig smeared with coyote musk just to get the ball rolling. (Image: 123rf.com)

(Video: molinarelisod)