Saturday, January 15, 2011

Unabomber Looks Forward to Meeting Loughner

FLORENCE, CO - In a cell, Ted Kaczynski reads, writes, and hopes that Tucson shooting suspect Jared Loughner gets assigned to his federal supermax. "He's an idea guy," said Kaczynski via letter. "I heard about some of his grammar arguments and they reminded me of a young Noam Chomsky." Unable to speak with other prisoners, Kaczynski is nevertheless confident he could carry on communication with Loughner. "I'd send him a kite [prison letter]," said the Unabomber. "Let's face it, the other guys around here bore me stiff. They only want to talk about Dancing with the Stars and hiding hacksaw blades up their ass. I want a conversation with a little meat on it."

Kaczynski figures that shooting a congresswoman will land Loughner into federal court. The status and number of victims have already made him a high profile prisoner. Provided the younger man ducks the death penalty, Kaczynski is certain Loughner will be shipped to the Colorado supermax. "I hear he's an atheist, pot-smoking dude who likes The Communist Manifesto. Hell, it'll be just like talking to another professor at Berkeley. I can't wait." (Images: and atlasshrugs)

No comments: