President Celebrates Roe v. Wade by Exposing Infant on Mountain

SUGARLOAF MOUNTAIN PARK, MD - In a symbolic act, President Obama affirmed his support for reproductive rights by leaving a male infant to die on a mountain trail. "This child survived an abortion in Illinois," said the President. "In the spirit of the Illinois law which I fought for, a law which unburdens medical staff from unnecessary tasks, we are leaving this child out on a mountain like the ancient Spartans. Also we could not find a mountain in Illinois. Nevertheless, don't think for a moment we are not concerned with the life and health of infants everywhere."
TONIGHT BABY DINES IN HELL
Wearing over-sized Greek armor and carrying a nine-iron, the President delivered a brief statement:
"Today marks the 38the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court decision protecting women's health and reproductive freedom except in Philadelphia, and affirms a fundamental principle: that government should not intrude on private family matters except in cases of choosing your own health care provider.
I am committed to protecting reproductive freedom especially in Philadelphia. I also remain committed to policies that  help prevent unintended pregnancies especially in Philadelphia, support pregnant women and mothers except in Philadelphia...and promote adoption except in Pennsylvania and Illinois.
What time do we tee off?"
(Image: shoponline2011.com)