HOLLYWOOD, CA - In an email to Paris, director Roman Polanski learned he'd been honored with the Motion Picture Academy's Lifetime Sodomy Award. A juried prize, the award honors actors, writers, producers, and directors who have drugged and sodomized a 13-year-old, then fled sentencing to another country. "Roman won in a landslide," said Academy spokesperson Darci North. "In fact, the only other vote-getter was an actor who sodomized a 13-year-old Howler monkey, then fled to Riverside County. But he was caught by the cops hiding on top of a water tower." North was pensive for a moment. "He really shouldn't have been included in this category."