Monday, February 23, 2009
HOLLYWOOD, CA - Following an Oscar acceptance speech filled with snarky herctoring, actor Sean Penn sustained a broken right arm. "It happened backstage," said Penn spokesperson Andy Hale-Darden. "Sean's right arm reached over his left shoulder and he began patting himself on the back, harder and harder until we heard this wet crack. I almost hurled my Luna Bar." Penn had to be restrained by medical personal from using his left arm to pat himself on his right shoulder. "Good move by the paramedics," said Hale-Darden. "Sean is so proud of the political courage it took for him to stand before all Hollywood and proclaim left-wing, pro-gay views, that I'm sure he would've broken a second arm." Until the bone knits, Penn will be forced to use a manikin hand attached to a broom handle to congratulate himself. "He borrowed the hand from Chris Matthews," added Hale-Darden, "who likes to pretend it belongs to Obama. Let's just say Chris doesn't pat himself on the back."