WASHINGTON, D.C. - Clinton first pet Socks the Cat was found dead near a cannon in Ft. Marcy Park. Diagnosed with cancer, owner Betty Currie reported the black and white cat had been depressed lately. Park Police reported the cause of death as an M-80 stuffed up the rectal opening. Currie later discovered a suicide note in poor English underneath Sock's water dish, blaming the cat's depression on House Republicans failure to support the stimulus package. Burial services are set for next week with Buddy the dog and Joe Biden slated to attend.