Saturday, February 14, 2009

Stimulus Creates 79 New Federal Holidays

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Contained within the thousand-page stimulus package are seventy-nine new federal holidays as well as numerous months, weeks, and days commemorating previously unnoticed people and events. "The additional holidays are vital," said government employees' union spokesperson Abe Stoddard. "With the expansion of government benefits, our workers are going to be worn out helping the American people." The new federal holidays will include large chunks of July and August as well as many Fridays and Mondays. In addition, March has been designated Yap-American History Month, the fourth week in May will now be Pornographic Film Appreciation Week, while the month of September has been set aside as Golf Course Safety Month." Golf Course Safety is vital to the security of all Americans," said Stoddard. "People can step on rakes, twist their ankles in sand traps, get sunburn on the fairways. The public should be grateful that federal employees are willing to man up, get out on a tee and lead by example."

No comments: