Monday, November 10, 2008

Mafia Adopts Baseline Budgeting

LAS VEGAS – Amid the glitter and flash of Sin City, mob accountants meeting at the Desert Inn announced a new system of tracking illegal gain. According to spokesman Sam “Four Thumbs” Landaccio, the mob will no longer use zero-based budgeting common to most private sector enterprises. Instead, Organization number crunchers have switched over to baseline budgeting. Long used by the federal government to factor in tax increases and spending growth, Landaccio admits that prejudice blinded him for many years.
“I don’t like the feds so much. But this baseline stuff, babam! Pretty neat.”
Landaccio offered this example. “Suppose you ship 40 cartons of untaxed cigarettes every year from Mexico to Los Angeles. One year you ship 50. Cops grab 5 cartons. You deliver 45. In reality, you’ve delivered 5 more cartons. But baseline says deliveries have been “cut” by 5 .”
While Landaccio couldn’t articulate exactly how this would help a criminal operation, he freely admitted that the switch was more psychological.
“It’s a whole system designed to scramble up numbers so anyone looking in can't know squat. What’s not to like? You need a carton of smokes?”

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