Thursday, November 27, 2008
GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA - CIA interrogators have dropped waterboarding in favor of showing terrorist suspects a DVD of the Rosie O'Donnell show. Rosie Live aired on NBC to scathing reviews, but this prime time program has already yielded intelligence dividends. "I couldn't talk fast enough," said Algerian IED expert Lakhdar Belkacem. "I gave up everybody." Captured in Afghanistan, Belkacem stood up to isolation, sleep deprivation and waterboarding, but cracked during Rosie's banter with Spamalot star Clay Aiken. "So cloying and trite," said Belkacem. "And her singing was like a goat trapped in the rocks." NBC considered cancelling O'Donnell, but sources hint the National Security Agency may underwrite an additional 12 episodes.