Wednesday, March 17, 2010
YORBA LINDA, CA - Pacing outside his library, the ghost of former president Richard M. Nixon expressed delight with the Obama administration. "Those #@$%^&* will end up making me look like Kennedy." In particular, the former president, dead since 1994, mentioned catastrophic problems ahead from trillions in mounting debt and the health care bill. "Moody's says the U.S. could lose its Triple A Rating. And this @#$% ^&* health care bill has pissed off more people than Vietnam times three. I'll give you odds that within the year both political parties will hire a @#$%^&* necromancer to raise my corpse and have me take over the country. People will say, 'Thank God for Dick Nixon. Even dead, he's better than some annoying, red @#$of a *&^%$ from Chicago.' The public will be so grateful they'll put my name back on a couple of freeways and a bridge. I got screwed out of those by Watergate." As the former president returned to the grave, he pointed to his presidential library, "Keep an eye on the front desk. Make sure the @#$%^&* staff doesn't let their friends in for free."