Conference Okays Polar Bear Chimichangas

DOHA, QATAR - Food lovers rejoiced as a UN conference on endangered wildlife upheld the trade in polar bear chimichangas. "This is a victory for anyone who loves deep-fried, flour tortillas stuffed with polar bear meat," said Canadian chef Jacques Bidet. Americans at the 175-nation conference argued that polar bear populations are threatened by potential global warming as well Eskimo hunting, and murder by other disgruntled polar bears. Often accompanied by salsa, guacamole, sour cream and cheese, polar bear chimichangas have been exempt from most international conferences under the 1976 Odd Foods Treaty. However, members of the US Fish and Wildlife Commission had hoped to end the trade as well as prohibit all harvesting and sale of polar bear organs, particularly the rib cage which is prized by the Chinese who use it as a xylophone. "We're disappointed by the vote," said Fish and Wildlife under secretary Haymon Loquat. "But we'll keep trying to save them [bears], even if their population is growing. We love polar bears almost as much as international conferences. Maybe less. Yes, less. I have a big hotel room."