Saturday, March 20, 2010
HIBBING, MN - While accompanying his class on a nature walk, 11-year-old Alan Heckling discovered an alien death ray that implodes matter, leaving the debris highly radioactive. "I saw the butt sticking out of the snow. It works just like an air pistol,"said Heckling, pointing the weapon at a parked beer truck. Seconds later, the truck vanished in a silent, lavender flash. "My teacher, Mrs. Comstock, tried to take the ray gun away. She's gone now. So is Charles Fina, who pantsed me last year at a school assembly. And Genna Potter, who called me 'Snotflake' in the cafeteria and got the whole class saying it. Genna is now 10-7 Earth." Heckling was unsure about the weapon's power source or how many 'shots' it might have left. "I guess the right thing would be to give it to my parents or the army. But then I'll never see it again." Sirens sounded in the distance and a helicopter swooped low overhead. Heckling was thoughtful. "Right now, I never have to go to school again. Or eat kidney beans. Or wash my sister's stump. 'Cause I got a ray gun. Sweet."