Pelosi Offers Pork to St. Joseph

WASHINGTON, D.C. - After using St. Joseph's name in an attempt to sway Catholics toward the healthcare bill, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi offered the saint a high-paying position in the Department of Labor. A Pelosi spokesperson, Laura Shapen, denied this was a bribe. "Hiring St. Joseph has been on the table for some time." Pelosi stated the saint would probably support the bill which, among other things, requires Catholics to pay for abortions. Ms Shapen saw no contradiction in the Speaker's remarks. "Speaker Pelosi is a devout Catholic and something of an authority on church teaching. And when she says that St. Joseph is the patron saint of workers who like to see babies dead, and is often pictured standing atop a mound of aborted children because that's what working families want, we should take her word."