Thursday, April 8, 2010
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Spending more than it takes in, the Social Security Administration was heartened by a Congressional Budget Office report showing the administration could be solvent this year if all future payments are made in Farmville gold coins. "We asked the CBO what would happen if all the gold coins in Farmville could be taxed per player transaction," said social security spokesman Harold Munchen. "Then what would happen if the administration issued checks redeemable in these coins. The CBO, I'm delighted to say, replied that under those conditions Social Security would be solvent by the fourth quarter of 2010 and running a surplus." When pointed out that Farmville coins are a cyber currency good only for purchasing cyber objects on an Internet game, Munchen grew defense. "Look, I didn't make up these figures. They're from the non-partisan CBO. But if people are worried, they can visit our website, use a credit card, and purchase their own disability or retirement benefits on a monthly basis. In turn, we'll send them a check they can spend anywhere and not just on Facebook." Munchen went on to say this latter method is preferred by the government since it avoids the need to print more money or borrow it from the Chinese. "If you can afford to buy monthly benefits, then be a good American and do so. But everyone will be eligible for a Farmville-backed check. That's why the U.S. will never end up like Greece. We're too smart."