City Celebrates Earth Day with Wind-Powered Traffic Signals

COSTA LUNA, CA - Determined to lead the way in sustainability, Costa Luna has become the first U.S. city to feature wind-powered traffic lights. "We use clean energy with zero greenhouse gas emissions," said Mayor Andrea Neeper-Klon. "Our turbines turn 24/7...or would if the wind were always blowing." According to critics, that's been a major problem as frequent high pressure conditions leave Costa Luna hot and windless, stranding motorists at traffic signals for hours at a time. "You've got people climbing 70-foot wind towers, trying to spin big blades," said Cam Delore of Citizens For Normal Traffic Signals. "Someone's gonna fall and hurt themselves." Even with wind, vehicles are in danger of being struck by falling birds, killed by the whirling turbines. Neeper-Klon acknowledged the problems and promised to install gas generators to spin the blades on windless days. As for dead birds, children collect them as part of the city's Green Awareness Program. "Kids drop the birds off at homeless shelters were they're incorporated into nutritious, healthy suppers. Later, the homeless people make paint scrapers out of the beaks and claws, which they sell for cigarette money. Isn't that green?"