Wednesday, April 7, 2010
PASADENA, CA - Credible reports have surfaced that Tea Party members have cooked and eaten minorities, then thrown their bones across a public park in defiance of anti-littering ordinances. Sources close to MSNBC state the incidents took place at a recent Tea Party gathering at Brookside Park. Minorities were taken from cages, then roasted on spits or boiled in big pots. Said a close friend of Keith Olbermann, "Keith saw it all in a dream. It was horrible. The cook was dressed up like Glenn Beck. Keith clearly heard him say, 'Man, do I lust after the flesh of those most-at-risk.' According to the source, the victims' bones were later tossed on the grass despite the presence of clearly marked trash containers as well as posted signs forbidding litter. State Democratic Party spokesman Bailey Mullhouse promised an investigation. "We suspected things like this were happening at tea bagger parties. But to have it confirmed by a hard-nosed, sceptical media outlet just goes to prove you can't make this stuff up."