Sunday, April 18, 2010
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A task force set up to facilitate Michelle Obama's Childhood Obesity Initiative has expanded to include members of Congress. Said Parker Ney, spokesman for the 'Let's Move' campaign: "We realized our plan had forgotten the pudgiest toddlers on the planet - members of the House and Senate." The First Lady was not pleased with the inclusion of Congress but the task force persisted. Explained Ney, "They [Congress] are so very porcine. At the same time, its difficult to think of them as adults." Citing a fattening diet of pork and special sweets snatched from the palms of lobbyist friends, Ney hoped to reduce the congressmen within two election cycles through actions such as vigorous exercise incorporating long walks away from public office. "It'll be tough. Some haven't had their great, fleshy heads out of the federal trough in decades. But with the public's help plus counseling, support and a newsletter, we can watch our Congress go from Michelin-obese to a smaller size. Maybe just big and fat."