Friday, April 2, 2010

Full-Body Scanners Aid TSA Sexual Fantasies

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Able to see through clothing, full-body imaging machines have improved the sexual fantasies of TSA employees. Said TSA spokesperson Larry Whiskett, "This vital piece of technology eliminates wondering what a woman might look like underneath her garments. Crucial time is no longer at lost at airport security stations pondering whether breasts were round and firm or pendulous like ripe guava." Whiskett pointed out that improved sexual fantasies come with a cost. "More employees are taking extended restroom breaks. But this is a small price to pay for national security." There are 46 machines in place at 23 airports with more on the way. Whiskett would like passengers disturbed by full-body scanners to remember the "TSA is America's first line of defense against privacy and large bottles of lotion."


Anonymous said...

Perhaps you should have been sitting next to the "bottle of lotion" on Philippine Airlines Flight 434.

Ling Carter said...

Gosh, I'd be dead.

But things are different now.

Lotion bombers haven't a prayer.

Because the wily TSA keeps all its screening protocols top secret.