NCAA Approves 4x400 Tax Code Relay

PALO ALTO, CA - Hoping to fan interest in track and field, the NCAA gave colleges the Okay to add a relay event using the income tax code. "Relay teams are used to handing off a light baton," said NCAA spokesman Jesse Momgwer. "Now a runner must circle the track until he's stacked all 20 volumes of Title 26 Code of Federal Regulations behind a teammate. Then a simple tap on the shoulder signals the next runner to grab a handful of books and fly." In a demonstration race held at Stanford, the Cardinal Men's 4x400-meter relay team squared off against the Oregon Ducks. Each team employed a different strategy. For the first leg, Standford's Garret grabbed two volumes under each arm and took off like a man stealing small pigs. But Oregon's Gillman stacked four volumes under his chin, then ran like a nerd in a library. Garret finished first, grabbed two more volumes and sprinted down the lane, eventually taking ten laps to deposit almost 17,000 pages behind the Cardinal second-leg runner. However the Duck's Gillman finished in eight laps, despite dropping a stack and badly bruising his foot. Eventually, Oregon edged out Standford, when Duck anchor man D'Quan James staggered across the finish line with the last volumes in just over 171 minutes and 16 seconds. Said Momgwer: "A normal 4x400 relay takes around 3 minutes and ten seconds so this event shouldn't lead-off a meet. But once the athletes stop dropping volumes and kicking them in frustration, we'll cut that time considerably. Overall, I think the combination of speed, strength, and strategy will make the 4x400 tax code relay a crowd favorite. And just wait until they add the health care stuff." (Photo: labelmaster.com)