Global Warming Blamed on Giant Turtle

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The president's science advisor, Dr. John Holdren, stated there are direct links between global warming and the giant turtle the Earth rests on. "Oh, the science is in," said Dr. Holdren. "We know absolutely that the Earth sits on four elephants, who, in turn, rest upon a giant turtle. Their respiration, coupled with carbon emissions, causes the planet to heat up." Dr. Holdren suggested building an immense crane several miles tall in order to lift away the elephants and replace them with colossal amounts of kelp. "In the meantime," said Dr. Holdren, "scream at anyone who disagrees with you. Scream until the veins on your neck pop out like steel cables. That's what I do. Man, it feels good." (Photo: www.phantis.com)