Tuesday, June 23, 2009

CBS News Airs Aquarium Footage

NEW YORK CITY, NY - After evening news ratings fell to their lowest ever, CBS announced anchor Katie Couric would be replaced with footage of an aquarium. "This is a temporary measure," said network executive Schyler Benning. "We're examining how CBS presents the news and looking for an upside." The aquarium footage is from YouTube and shows a teenager feeding his piranhas live mice dressed as scuba divers. "Kinda cute, kinda sick," said Benning. "But our key demographic - what's left - really digs it." ABC News also suffered historic low ratings, but have stated they support anchor Charles Gibson. Benning was sceptical. "They're doubling down on 15. I have a friend [at ABC] who said they're replacing Gibson with YouTube clips of a huge wolf spider eating a rat. For now, the only way Gibson will ever see airtime again is if he's killed and eaten by a giant anaconda. And I heard the network wants to film it so they have ancillary rights. But that could be a rumor."Digg! (Photo: www.tvgasm.com)


Dutch said...

I'd watch if they threw Katie in with the piranhas although with her choppers the match would be a toss up. I can't imagine the humiliation those fish are feeling after being forced to appear on CBS, where's PETA when we need them.

Ling Carter said...

Lucky for the fish, no one will know.