Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Geithner Stand-Up Wows Chinese

BEIJING, PRC - Tim Geithner took his stand-up act on the road, thrilling a crowd at Peking University. "Let's hope Chinese don't pay their taxes like I do," quipped the Treasury Secretary. "You'll be so broke you'll have to sell the 'chop' in 'chop suey.'" In a set light on math, but heavy on laughs, Geithner fired off lines such as:

"Joe Biden is the Cadillac of vice-presidents: a clunky, expensive luxury that operates on gas."

"The only difference between the U.S. dollar and Monopoly money is that Parker Brothers stands behind Monopoly money. Thank you. Glad you're paying attention."

"The U.S. believes in a strong dollar. We also believe the Philadelphia Eagles will win a Super Bowl - SOMEDAY! What? No Eagle's fans? Hey, you, the guy laughing...can you run around the room and make it look like I'm going over?"

"Chinese assets invested in America are very safe. Just as safe as a Tibetan Monk at a Chinese baseball bat convention. Whoa! Hey, a little sense of humor here! Gotta run! Buy billions in bonds. We do. Later!"
Digg! (Photo: yellowserv.ftphost.net)


Steve Burri said...

"Please forgive me if any of my statements have been misinterpreted. American English changes so rapidly. Why, just a few years ago, 'Chinese junk' referred to a sailing vessel. Now it describes all Chinese exports. Whaddayagonnado?"

Dutch said...

Having been an Eagles supporter since 1648 (The team has its origins in a group of Hanseatic League mercenaries proscribed by the Treaty of West Westphalia.) I am repelled by the suggestion that the Eagles might ever win a super bowl. The act of rooting for the Eagles gives its fans a moral perspective denied the followers of other more successful franchises such as the Cardinals. It teaches the fan that perseverance, hard work and enterprise are ultimately worthless and that the fan should take such cold comfort he can find when he dons the hair shirt we call an Eagles Jersey. The Eagles fan takes what spiritual sustenance he can when he and fifty thousand like minded people stand up at the end of every important game and yell, "Jesus Christ".