White House Turkey Leaves Behind Family, Dreams

WASHINGTON, D.C. - At an undisclosed facility, the turkey chosen for dinner by President Obama spent its last hours with family and friends. At midnight Eastern Time, the turkey had all its feathers pulled off before being led down a long hall to a room where it was strapped to a gurney. With barnyard sounds being piped in, an IV line was inserted into a wing. As witnesses looked on, the turkey received an injection of a powerful barbiturate before a Secret Service Agent with an ax chopped of its head, leaving the turkey flopping lifelessly on the gurney. A doctor pronounced the turkey dead, before consigning it to portly men in tall white chef hats. According to farmers familiar with the bird, it seemed destined for fowl greatness, with a mindless attitude and a wattle second to none. Whatever dreams it once had are now as still as its big-wattled head. Later today, the carcass will be cooked, prepared and served as Thanksgiving dinner to the First Family. Dine well, Mr. President. And when you reach the wishbone, don't wish for the passage of government-run healthcare. WISH FOR A HEART!! Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. (Photo: improbable.com)