H1N1 Vaccine Available in Vending Machines

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Concerned about paying for universal healthcare and determined to make swine flue vaccine available to all, Department of Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius discovered a compromise: place the vaccine in vending machines. "H1N1 swine flue vaccine will be loaded into refrigerated vending machines located in subways, airports, and bus stations," said Sebelius. "It's like buying a Coke. Put in ninety-four cents, press a button and obtain a disposable syringe. Inject yourself and have a wonderful day." Sebelius stated cash from the machines will be used to buy office equipment for new government agencies that will sprout up in the wake of affordable healthcare for all. "It's coming," said Sebelius. "Not for me or anyone who works for Uncle Sam, or for rich people, or unions, but it's coming for you." H1N1 vaccine vending machines will also carry Dots, red licorice vines, Mountain Dew, condoms, and stamps. Sebelius begged the public to "please not tip the machines if your syringe doesn't deploy. It's a safety hazard." (Photo: teeeph.net)