China Demands Obama Beat Dalai Lama

BEIJING, CHINA - Furious over President Obama's mid-month plan to meet with the Dalai Lama, China has demanded the President strike Tibet's spiritual leader with a wooden nightstick until he [Dalai Lama] 'is contrite.' Said Chinese Foreign Ministry official Ma Wen Lee, "We know President Obama will bow to the criminal Dalai Lama. But will he beat him for his wayward attitude like we have asked? On this, much depends." The Chinese believe the Dalai Lama is seeking Tibetan independence and have threatened to stop buying American debt if Obama refuses to comply. "We want the Dalai Lama punished and we want our ambassador present as a witness and we want footage up on YouTube. Otherwise, we will no longer purchase treasury bills," vowed Lee. "Let the Americans try growing their giant, fat government on warm air and promises." The White House has not officially responded. However a source inside the State Department reports there have been contacts with the Chinese, asking whether the club must be wood and if a wiffle bat could be substituted.