CHRISTMAS VALLEY, OR - Federal subsides to sasquatch breeders are on the cutting table in the 2011 budget, frightening small ranchers throughout the region. "They [sasquatch] aren't easy to find, let alone capture and breed," said breeder Jean Peter Torvol. "My family has been trying for over 39 years and we haven't even seen a footprint. If the government ends our 180,000 dollar-a-year subsidy I don't see how we'll ever locate a sasquatch, let alone two that we can marry up." The complaint is a familiar one in southern Oregon: end the subsidy and destroy any chance of ever capturing large, furtive, humanoid apes to mate. "Why doesn't the government go after big bankers and corporations?" said breeder Dee Elfhead. "My little old 167,000 dollars-a-year isn't going to amount to much in Washington, D.C. But it's a pre-fab house, a Chevy Tahoe, and four nights a week at an Indian casino for me and my family." Democratic congressman Onslow Keating has vowed to battle for the subsidies. "These people got nothing but their government checks and the same dream as their fathers and grandfathers: to one-day discover enough sasquatch to breed." Keating was unsure as to the ultimate purpose of mating giant, hairy humanoids. "You could put tags on 'em so that you know where the population is at all times, then hunt 'em from a helicopter with a grenade launcher. Heck, it beats me. No one's ever found one yet." Torvol was more direct. "The thing is, if you breed enough sasquatch the government will pay you extra to kill 'em off so you don't flood the market; big upside potential in the sasquatch-breeding business." (Image: News Blaze)
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Obama Budget Threatens Sasquatch Breeders
CHRISTMAS VALLEY, OR - Federal subsides to sasquatch breeders are on the cutting table in the 2011 budget, frightening small ranchers throughout the region. "They [sasquatch] aren't easy to find, let alone capture and breed," said breeder Jean Peter Torvol. "My family has been trying for over 39 years and we haven't even seen a footprint. If the government ends our 180,000 dollar-a-year subsidy I don't see how we'll ever locate a sasquatch, let alone two that we can marry up." The complaint is a familiar one in southern Oregon: end the subsidy and destroy any chance of ever capturing large, furtive, humanoid apes to mate. "Why doesn't the government go after big bankers and corporations?" said breeder Dee Elfhead. "My little old 167,000 dollars-a-year isn't going to amount to much in Washington, D.C. But it's a pre-fab house, a Chevy Tahoe, and four nights a week at an Indian casino for me and my family." Democratic congressman Onslow Keating has vowed to battle for the subsidies. "These people got nothing but their government checks and the same dream as their fathers and grandfathers: to one-day discover enough sasquatch to breed." Keating was unsure as to the ultimate purpose of mating giant, hairy humanoids. "You could put tags on 'em so that you know where the population is at all times, then hunt 'em from a helicopter with a grenade launcher. Heck, it beats me. No one's ever found one yet." Torvol was more direct. "The thing is, if you breed enough sasquatch the government will pay you extra to kill 'em off so you don't flood the market; big upside potential in the sasquatch-breeding business." (Image: News Blaze)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
2 comments:
This is why these fools cannot catch a squatch;
http://zapatopi.net/bsa/militia/
"My little old 167,000 dollars-a-year isn't going to amount to much in Washington, D.C. But it's a pre-fab house, a Chevy Tahoe, and four nights at week at an Indian casino for me and my family."
Sound like Obots to me!
No wonder. All the able-bodied sasquatch have enlisted. Hairy, but patriotic.
Post a Comment